FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
