whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Found your dick twin last night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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