Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
