i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
