She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
