So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
