I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
