toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
