I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
