You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dick very happy bro
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
