I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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