dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
