Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
