I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
