The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
