u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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