it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
