quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
