Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
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those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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