I am puke
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
A+ Viking dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
