just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
