doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
