So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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