I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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