why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
