After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
