I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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