There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Randomize
