Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
