Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
