apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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