i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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