Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
