I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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