Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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