nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
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