that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
