I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
