he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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