my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
