I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
