Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
