...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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