Where is the hickey?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize