get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
