So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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