WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
