the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Bring me that man meat
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
