New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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