We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
