Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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