I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
