I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my being single is dangerous.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
