SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
