A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
