You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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