Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
