Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
