Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
